Anxiously Waiting

Anxiety is something that I do not do well with. I am learning, however. I am on day five of my progesterone out of a ten day dose. I am so ready for it to be over so that everything can begin. The idea that our family could be on its way to being complete in just a short time is one of the most exciting things I have ever gone through. Possibly eight more days until I go in for my first appointment, seventeen days until appointment two and then between 19 and 20 days until our final appointment. Less than a month and we could be parents. After eight years of trying, this is something that I find surreal. 

Something that I have done for my future child is that I have created a Smash Book for them. In the book I write letters to them, expressing my hopes for their life and how much they are loved already. I also put in inspirational quotes, and verses from the Bible that helped me through the difficult times that came before they entered our lives. I also put in my own goals and dreams, so that they can see that we all want to do crazy things in life, like write a book, or run a marathon. I want my future child to know that they are loved unconditionally, and have been since the day God determined that we were going to be parents, even though it has taken so long for them to enter our lives. I wan to put in pictures of ultrasounds, pregnancy photos, baby shower cards, ideas for their nursery, etc. 

I am terrified. Parenthood is one of THE scariest things in life. I don't care, however. I want to be a mom so badly that there are no proper words in the English language to describe it. The thought of having my child in my arms makes my heart swell. Will I make mistakes? Yes, I will. Will I struggle and have hard days? Yes, absolutely. But will I do the best job I can to be the greatest mom that this child could ever have? Without a doubt in my mind.